Pyramid of Greatness (in a list because reasons)

Image from Public Domain Images

  1. Honor: If you need it defined, you don’t have it.
  2. America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other “cultures”, use an atlas or a ham radio.
  3. Buffets: Whenever available. Choose quantity over quality.
  4. Weapons
  5. Wood working
  6. Welfare avoidance
  7. Teamwork: Work together as if your life depends on it… IT DOES!
  8. Selfishness: Take what’s yours.
  9. Haircuts: 3 acceptable styles: High and Tight, Crew Cut & Buzz Cut.
  10. Greatness itself: The best revenge.
  11. Discipline: The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.
  12. Attire: Shorts over 6″ are capri pants. Shorts under 6″ are European.
  13. Self-reliance: Trust yourself.
  14. Suspicion: Do not trust anyone else.
  15. Skim milk: Avoid it.
  16. Cow protein
  17. Pig protein
  18. Chicken protein
  19. Romantic love
  20. Deer protein
  21. Fish (Sport only, Fish is practically a vegetable!)
  22. Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.
  23. Torso: Should be thick and impenetrable.
  24. Old wooden sailing ships: They’re beautiful.
  25. B.O.: Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.
  26. Stillness: Don’t waste energy moving unless necessary.
  27. Skim milk: That’s right. It’s on here twice. Avoid it.
  28. Cursing: There’s only one bad word: Taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors, it’s good enough for you.
  29. Friends: One to Three is sufficient.
  30. Property rights: They exist. Do not let them be taken away from you.
  31. Masonry:  Walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.
  32. Cabins: Places to rest that are made of logs.
  33. Perspiration: Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.
  34. You: You are your biggest ally and your worst enemy, at the same time.
  35. Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
  36. Physical Fitness
  37. Frankness: Cut the B.S.
  38. Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.
  39. Facial hair: Full, thick and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that probably means you can’t grow it.
  40. Living in the woods: Live off the land.
  41. Rage: One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.
  42. Security: Secure the land.
  43. Poise: Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.
  44. Handshakes: Firm, Dry, Solid. 3 seconds.
  45. Body grooming:  Only women shave beneath the neck.

-Ron Ulysses Swanson

End of blog post.


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