A Little Bit About Me

I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself. I’ve made quite a few posts and I believe that it’s time that I shine a little light on my life.

 

How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable. I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me. I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. Someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for it’s life.

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran, killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm.

First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go , “Wow, I need this beet right now.” Those are the money beets.

As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out… she was. With a couple of guys actually, so… mystery solved. And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.

When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

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